Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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