Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
