See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
