I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
