after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
