i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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