I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
