dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
