Someone shit on the floor
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
