He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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