I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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