East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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