Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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