Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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