apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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