Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
