i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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