Small penises have feelings too.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
