All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
