My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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