Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
