Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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