A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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