Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
