It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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