Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
