Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
