Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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