i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
