Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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