Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize