i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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