I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
