Buhtt sex?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
