he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
