just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You made out with two different species that night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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