I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well you can't waste a boner
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
