Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize