he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
