so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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