birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
