I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize