so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
