I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
