Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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