If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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