At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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