Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
