I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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