Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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