my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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