is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
