It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
