Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
