this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
