I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
