I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
