True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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