Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
