i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
