My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
