Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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