my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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