well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
