yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
