she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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