I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And then my night got REAL pukey
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
