just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
