worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
