just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
