it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
