Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize