Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
