So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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